A Time to Heal

Compassion is a funny thing. We mistake it, sometimes, for blaming the victim. Someone says, “I wish they had worn their seatbelt,” and is answered by, “Don’t blame the victim! It was the drunk driver’s fault!” Yes, it was. But our compassion for someone being caught without a seatbelt on when it might have helped is also real. We want them to be safe in every way possible. We aren’t blaming the victim, we are missing them. And our minds go to how they might have been saved to be with us longer.

An accident is just that—an accident. It happens to anyone anywhere. It’s why there are seatbelts in the first place. Now, we are engaged in a war against Covid-19. And there are people who forego the vaccine. Most of us who are older had the Salk vaccine, so we are not afraid of vaccines. Those in our classrooms who were different were different before and after vaccines, so we do not try and attach something, anything as a cause. The Salk vaccine had more of the bad things in it than today’s vaccines but we did not get polio. It was the scourge of our times when we were children, and living in an iron lung was enough to make you chance a brand new vaccine.

George Washington faced a similar decision during the Revolutionary War. He had smallpox when he was nineteen. He was in bed with it for nearly a month. He knew it could have killed him. He also knew that it ravaged troops. It had done so in the assault on Quebec. Given those facts, he was wary of the disease. He knew that it was worse for his American troops than for English troops. They had more smallpox in England and they had more who were immune. They even thought of using smallpox as a weapon—give it to American troops by infiltrating them with a sufferer and you could badly damage America’s ability to fight. So, Washington inoculated his troops. It was an awful process, vaccines would not be invented until 1796. You have to cut someone and put weak disease in their arm. And some died. But the percentage of death was much less than it would be had they been down with smallpox in battle. Troops who were inoculated were nursed for a month. It all had to be done in complete secrecy. If the British knew, they would attack while it was in process. And Washington, who seemed to be born under a lucky star, accomplished it.

Nearly two hundred years after the Revolutionary War, I was given the vaccine against smallpox. And I was one of the last people to have it. Smallpox was nearly eradicated and most doctors had stopped giving it. But my doctor was old and cautious and he said he would give it to me on my thigh so there would not be a scar on my arm “when I went to Prom.” Both of my future Prom dresses would be sleeveless, so I suppose that was a nice gesture. The smallpox vaccine was not a shot. They plucked your skin several times with the vaccine. As vaccinations go, that one was rather unpleasant. As it turned out, I probably didn’t need the vaccination, it was, indeed, not seen in the states by then.

Now, many of us have had Covid 19 shots. Many have not. It is the way of the United States to split on things. We would argue over the need for a pinkie finger if we could just find someone who would join the argument. We are an argumentative bunch. We love to get a good argument going. I don’t know if it’s the feeling of power—“made you mad!”—or a misconception of what it means to be free, but we have argued ourselves out of friendships, out of work places, out of our minds, even. Getting a rise out of someone is a spectator sport these days. Social media has a “hide” button for friends who live for the fight. I confess it is one of my most used buttons. I love you, but if you have a problem with personal power, I do not need to see your posts. People take positions they believe in and ones they do not if it means a good fight. You go and fight– I have plants to water and floors to sweep and birds to watch at the feeder, if necessary.  

Covid vaccines were ripe for the picking. There is no science for not having a vaccine, but there is some sense of freedom in holding on to an idea. (We do not have ICU’s full of people who had the shots, obviously.) But, it is a “free” country with some limited freedoms and you have, “I can therefore I do.” And that results in sickness and death. And the vaccinated ones are likely to jump ahead and hurt over you could have been vaccinated if, indeed, the worst happens. Please do not go there. You could have worn your seatbelt. You could have put the phone down. You could have watched where you were going. You could have had the shots. Instead, think what you think, but hold on to compassion. Accidents and on purposes are a work of the human mind. And it is not perfect. And it does not always join you in your thought process. Your loss is not tainted. It is real and painful and forever. But it is time for compassion. Someone is hurt and the issue is now not how that could have been avoided. Let the fact finders struggle with that. Today, that person made a misstep. Tomorrow, it could be us. Struggle with loss; grieve with loss; have compassion with loss. And pick up and go on without the burden of recriminations. We grieve with you.